Couple therapy is a means of resolving issues and conflicts that couples have not been able to manage effectively on their own. It engages both partners sitting down with a trained professional to discuss their thoughts and feelings. The aim is to help them gain a better understanding of themselves and their partner. Toronto Family Counselling Services (TFSC) provides the Emotionally Focused Therapy model (for couples and families) which considers on the person/relationship to builds a secure connection. Emotionally Focused Therapy model (EFT) helps couples to recognize patterns of interaction that exist and are not working to support viable relationships.
Stages and steps in the EFT process for couples (Dr.Johnson 2008):
- recognize the relational conflict issues between the partners
- recognize the negative interaction cycle where these issues are expressed
- Access attachment emotions primary the position each partner takes in this cycle
- Access disowned or implicit needs (e.g., need for reassurance), emotions (e.g., shame), and models of self
- Promote each partner’s acceptance of the other’s experience
- Facilitate each partner’s expression of needs and wants to restructure the interaction based on new understandings and create bonding events frame the problem in terms of the cycle, unacknowledged emotions, and attachment needs
- Facilitate the formulation of new stories and new solutions to old problems
- Consolidate new cycles of behavior
- Repair intimacy
Romantic love is not the least bit illogical or random. It is the continuation of an ordered and wise recipe for survival. We now have a map that can guide us in creating, healing and sustaining love. This is a consummate breakthrough
The key moments in love are when partners open up and ask for what they need and the other partner responds. This demands courage but this is the moment of magic and transformation.
